more to burn

The Mother is wiping me clean.

I have been asked to let go. I have asked to release. So much of my life is a house that's no longer comfortable to live in, a construct, or series of constructs that I have built for protection and preservation. All my life I've been a packrat, saving cool looking whatevers from the trash bin in hopes of using them for something, holding on tight to anyone who ever once paid me a kind word, cherishing accomplishments and awards as marks of achievement...steps toward an elusive concept of success. All of these things have built a protective shell around my existence that keep me from too much wounding, movement, groove...

And now I've asked to take it all off. To rid myself of anything that stands between me and Me. Anything that mars my understanding and love of the Most High.

And she always gives you what you request with a pure heart. Dammit.

Now I laugh when things go "awry." The Mother is working.
My favorite jeans snag on a license plate and rip a hole in the leg...I laugh.
A woman I love won't call me back...I laugh.
I don't have the funds to go home for the holy days...you got it. :)

I just synced my ipod to my computer for the first time ever. I found a way to upload all my music to one spot, and manage it in a simple and time-efficient manner. Perfect for my upcoming travels to India. Quick, easy, copyable, managable.
I didn't take playlists into account.
I have created playlists for every possible situation in which I might need music.
Massage playlists, yoga playlists, waking up, making love, cooking, heartbreak, recovery...you name it. AND, I have created specific playlists for every woman I've fallen in love with in the last 3 years. All named, of course, after said loves. I carry these particular ones as reminders of the rollercoaster of short-lived romance. Chronicles of the time we spent together...something to laugh and cry to. Personal soundtracks, if you will.
I just accidentally wiped every one of these playlists from the face of existence. None of them ever made it to disc, none uploaded to others' hard drives...GONE.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I freaked out for half a second, long enough to mutter words better not heard by the ears of children...then the incredible lightness set in.
I'm no longer bound by those memories!
I don't have to carry the past!
I can create something totally new and fresh and relevant to right now!!!

God bless the workings of God. Lord knows I do.
Give thanks.
Give thanks.
Give thanks.